Keep Kirk in lurk.
Control the jerk.
That piece of work.
The bull Berserk.

He’s loud and crass.
A frequent ass.
Can’t not make pass,
At pretty lass.

The silly dope.
He preaches Pope.
And clings to hope.
The human trope.

Not Mr. Spock,
He’s run a-mok,
He’s awe and shock,
He doesn’t grok.

Single minded.
Needs reminded,
Not to find id
Ego blinded.

Few effective.
Spews invective.
Treats prime directive
As elective.

Law evaded.
Ethics faded.
Simply stated:
Overrated!

Ignore his slick,
Adoring shtick.
He’s Captain Prick,
Not James but Dick.

Just keep him penned,
He’s rare the friend.
But hand extend,
We’re not at end.

For inci-dents,
Of rare intense,
Need lack of sense,
And slack of fence.

For these events,
The best compense,
Are stubborn gents,
Of Kirk immense.

When last in place,
In hole your ace:
Old K can chase,
Blow up the race.

Escaping Dodge?
You need the Stodge.
Engaging perp?
No better twerp.

His winning smile,
Full-throttle style,
There’s no denial,
Puts thought on trial.

So tame and train,
Your James T. brain.
To first, refrain.
Yet not abstain.

Yes, Kirk has perk.
Don’t fully shirk,
His style of work:
The bully quirk.

—
See also: Unlock Your Spock